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If I just had five more minutes


Sometimes I wonder if I got dropped over and over again as a child. I just continue to do the most stupid things.


Over Christmas I left my ATM card in the machine at the grocery store and didn't realize it till the next day when I went to pay for lunch at a restaurant. Luckily I had a credit card in my wallet or I would have been washing dishes that afternoon. I had to go to the bank to get a new one. You would think I learned a lesson, but I did the exact same thing again a day later! After paying for groceries I went off and left the damn card in the machine again. Then had to go back to the bank and admit that I needed another one.


Why am I in this constant state of confusion?


It's because I am so busy all the time. My whole life just needs five more minutes!

Rushing the kids out to the school bus. Waiting for the dryer to end so I can get another load in before I go to work. Drying my hair. If I just had five more minutes!!!


Muti-tasking is just a joke! Just this very minute while writing a report for work I Googled a recipe for chicken, wrote "Don't forget to pay for daughter's dance class" on a post-it note and attach it to my purse and fixed the scuff on my high-heels with a black marker. Then my mother phones to complain that I never call her anymore!


During a multi-tasking melt down one morning, I was retrieving a message from my boss left on my office phone, jotting down the information I needed to call him back with, while reading an email from my husband. I called my boss's office number and got his voice mail, while leaving him the information he needed, and answering the email back to my husband, I ended the message to my boss with "I hope that's all you needed. If not call me back. I love you. Bye" and hung up the phone.


I do not love my boss. He's ok. I like him but it's not love.


I realized what I did and ran like a women on fire through the building to his office. He wasn't in yet, thank God, but his executive assistant was. I asked her if she had the code to his voice mail and told her what I did. She went in to retrieve the message but it wasn't there. "Maybe I didn't press the number to leave a message" I thought. Her phone rang and she picked it up. It was the boss. After a few pleasantries and the daily update she tells him "I am here with Helen now" jots down some info and hangs up the phone. "What did he say?" I ask holding my breath. "He said to tell you he got your message and he's very fond of you too."


As women we over tax ourselves. Trying to be superwomen in stilettoes. How many times has superwoman shown up at work with her skirt on backwards or wearing two different black shoes? My husband calls me every day to remind me to pick the kids up. I always say, "Do you really think I would forget?" Truth is, I always forget. Thank God he knows me better than I now myself.


Watch out if I am PMSing on top of multi-tasking! Hubby made the mistake of yelling at me from the basement asking me where his white shirt was while I trying to get a five minute nap on the couch after supper. Twice I yelled back that it was hanging in his closet. I know he can hear me but he pretends he is deaf! So I jumped off the couch and stomped to the basement door and screamed back, "You're not f...ing deaf. While you're down there take the clothes out of the dryer and they better be folded before you come up stairs or I'll kill you!" I slammed the door and stomped back to finish my five minute nap.


What I didn't know was that my husband was upstairs, not down in the basement.

The guy from heating company was in the basement fixing the furnace.


Hubby had let him in while I was upstairs helping the kids with homework 20 minutes earlier.


I didn't know the heating guy was in the house until I heard a light tap on the living room door. I opened one eye to see the poor man standing there in his coveralls holding a folded basked of laundry. He said "Missus, the furnace is fixed. You shouldn't have any problems now and the laundry is folded. I am not good at matching socks so you may want to check them." He laid the basket on the floor and slowly backed out of the room, then ran for his life.


I just needed five more minutes of sleep before starting the second half of my day, now the home heating guy thinks I am a manic. I hope the furnace never breaks again because I know he is not coming back.


I think my brain is full and I can't fit anything else in there. Every time I fill out a form for my kids I have to think, what year was my son born? I know we were married in '94, he was born two years later. It must be '96. No one will know if it's wrong anyway. Don't even get me started on people's names. There are times I feel like lying to people and saying "I had a stroke and lost my memory so you'll have to remind me how I know you."


If I had five more minutes to think about it, I am pretty sure it still wouldn't come to me.

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