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Style after 50


I just read an article called how to dress in your 50s. While I agree after 50 my wardrobe needs an update because I retired and don’t need business suites anymore, and my shoe heels are a little lower, I don’t think I am ready for a moo-moo.


It listed off the normal staples, a scarf to hide the wrinkles in our necks, a long sleeve shirt to hide the sagginess under our arms, and free-flowing pants to hide our stomachs.


Basically, women over 50 need to be covered from head to toe, particularly when we go out to eat in public. I mean we wouldn’t want to turn the stomachs of the other dinners by showing our celluloid and flabbiness.


It basically said to act your age. What does that even mean?


When I was 12, I was told to act my age. I was told the same thing at 16, 18, 20, into my 20s, into my 30s, into my 40s, and now into my 50s. Act your age!


Maybe I’m just not that great actor.


I’ve been so busy acting like a mother, a wife, a housekeeper, a cook, a senior communications strategist for a national organization, a good daughter, the homework organizer, the Easter bunny, Santa Claus, the ‘every event’ in my children’s life organizer. I’ve been too busy raising a family, keeping a marriage together, climbing the ladder to a successful career, to act my age.


It’s not like I haven’t tried. It’s just that the bar keeps moving.


According to this article, women over 50 shouldn’t wear jeans to supper. Now, I strongly disagree with this one. Blue jeans are always a good idea. Jeans are the perfect pants to wear out to supper with a nice blouse or t-shirt and blazer. A good pair of jeans hides the celluloid, flattens the tummy and keeps it all together. Having said that, skinny jeans do have a limit. You must be one confident 50-year-old to pull off skinny jeans, and you better have one fabulous health care provider when you try to pull off those skinny jeans! Trying to get those pants back down over your thighs can dislocate a hip or a knee. What about if you have to pee? I can’t even go there! I can only imagine myself in a small restaurant cubical trying get skinny jeans down while holding my pee.


I have squat myself into a pair of spanks to make it look like I never had children. I almost broke my ribs in the process. I have tried every diet on the market so I could look thinner. Then I just gained it all back again. Usually in one weekend. I’ve even researched hairstyles that make you look younger. They don’t work.


It is an unreasonable expectation for me to have a six pack at 54, when I didn’t have it at 24.

I’ve never had the bikini body that these magazines are talking about, but it hasn’t stopped me from wearing a bikini. I just don’t take the coverup off until I get to the beach and make sure I’m not the fattest person there.


Even lied to myself by saying I’m doing this all for my husband. When the truth is, he does not care if I show up in a tent, as long as I am on time.

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