Dwarf’s Doge to Avoid Arrest

Reporters just don’t write their stories like they used to. Let’s have a little fun.

Sometimes I find crimes that would never make the papers today. This would be a good time for the woke to leave because this story is from the Evening Telegram, August 04^th, 1899

It’s Titled: Dwarf’s Doge to Avoid Arrest

(A footnote here, "dwarf" is a medically accepted term today.) Here’s the story.

Sometimes it’s very convenient to be a dwarf. When a constable went to arrest William James Green today, he discovered him hidden in a two-foot-tall band box at his mother’s house.

Green, a cripple, is 23 inches tall.

 Three weeks ago, he married Miss Kahleen Frey, a buxom girl of 17 years. (Wouldn’t get away with that today).

Compared to her diminutive husband, Mrs. Green is a veritable giantess standing at 6 and 1 and a half inches in her stocking feet.

An hour after his marriage, Mrs. Green’s mother, who strongly objected to the match, had her dwarf son-in-law arrested on the charge of perjury.

For when Green took out the marriage license he said his bride was 21 years of age.

The constable, who then arrested Green, yielded to his prayers, and went out to find a bondsman for the dwarf.

Green stowed himself away in a bureau drawer.

Upon returning to Mr. Green’s house. The constable could not find him. Nor had the police been able to catch him until today, when Constable Gross made certain by tucking Green under his arm and carrying him to jail.

The dwarf’s devoted bride says she will go before the court and ask permission to live with him in prison.

Oh, such devotion for a buxom girl of 17!