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My son, the politician
Over the years, my son has wanted to be everything from a garbage man to a fighter pilot. This week, he floored us when he announced he...

Helen Escott
Sep 29, 20205 min read


My sister's rabbit hole
My sisters neighbour was one of those guys who was noticeably quiet spoken at work but came home and wreaked havoc on the neighbourhood....

Helen Escott
Sep 29, 20205 min read


My mother says the strangest things
My mother says the strangest things. Let me tell you about a few. I was watching the evening news one night with her and the top two...

Helen Escott
Sep 29, 20205 min read


Mom doesn't have a penis
We stopped at a gas station/ restaurant on the side of the highway while on our way to a short vacation. We were driving to Gander with...

Helen Escott
Sep 29, 20203 min read


Me a hoarder?
I admit it. I am a clothes hoarder... and a shoe hoarder... a purse hoarder... and jeweler. That's all. That's all I hoard. I swear....

Helen Escott
Sep 29, 20204 min read


Lost in translation
I am dialing my third 1-800 number. I bought a GE fridge from Sears in October and the darn door keeps breaking on it. Yesterday I opened...

Helen Escott
Sep 29, 20205 min read


Lost at the mall: The day your mother dies
When I was about seven years old I went to the shopping mall with my mother. We would always start at Woolco. She would take me to the...

Helen Escott
Sep 29, 20203 min read


This city needs street smarts
What is wrong with people? Suddenly nobody knows how to drive. Especially when they get to Stravanger - Aberdeen Drives. Every time I...

Helen Escott
Sep 29, 20203 min read


Who do you love more, Mommy or Daddy?
Ah come on! You all know it is Mommy. Google “Songs about parents.” For every song about fathers, there are ten about mothers. We rule!...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20203 min read


It’s a hairy situation
If I ever end up in a home for the bewildered, I have a pact with my daughter to pluck my chin hairs. My greatest fear about growing old...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20204 min read


Is it wrong to plan a man's murder when he is sick, even if it is only in your head?
I have spent many a night rocking a sick child with fevers so high their little heads would leave scorch marks on my cheek. I can't tell...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20203 min read


Is chivalry dead?
A Twitter friend of mine suggested I write a blog on chivalry. Recently he held the door to let a lady walk through and she made a rude...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20205 min read


Is beauty in the eye of the scalpel holder?
I admit, when I turned 45 I went to see a cosmetic surgeon. Every night I was looking in the mirror wishing I could pull the skin under...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20206 min read


In these shoes?
I know exactly when my shoe obsession began. I was in grade 2. It was the 70s. Back then everybody wore "gators" or "galoshes" in the...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20202 min read


If I just had five more minutes
Sometimes I wonder if I got dropped over and over again as a child. I just continue to do the most stupid things. Over Christmas I left...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20204 min read


Who hasn’t thrown their back out taking off control top panty-hose and Spanx?
I have. I am not even joking. Here's what happened.... Friday night hubby BBQed ribs and as usual, cooked way too many, but they were...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20205 min read


Boy bands: Rollermania forever! The Tartan Army lives on
I loved Les! Which Bay City Roller did you love? Remember Rollermania Bang! Bang! Bang! My bedroom door bends in the middle from my...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20204 min read


I've got it in the bag
I actually do have it in the bag! My chiropractor tells me every week. At each visit he lifts my purse and weighs it. He once clocked it...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20204 min read


I am going to step on your humbug
So Shopper's Drug Mart stopped playing Christmas music because customers complained it was too early. Really? Didn't they care about the...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20204 min read


How often can a woman pee?
My son has size 10 feet and he hasn't stopped growing yet. I knew when he as an embryo that he was going to have big feet because he used...

Helen Escott
Sep 28, 20205 min read
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